Learn how tuning into your body (instead of your mind) can ease anxiety and people-pleasing habits.
Let’s be honest: if you’ve ever replayed a conversation 17 times in your head wondering if you sounded weird, awkward, or just “too much,” you’re not alone. Or maybe you catch yourself saying “yes” when you really mean “no,” constantly worrying how others will react, and then feeling drained and resentful afterward.
These are classic signs of anxiety—overthinking and people-pleasing—and they often go hand-in-hand. But here’s the part many of us never learned: These patterns aren’t just in your head. They’re in your nervous system. And that’s where Somatic Experiencing (SE) comes in.
What Is Somatic Experiencing?
Somatic Experiencing is a body-based therapy developed by Dr. Peter Levine. It’s designed to help people heal from chronic stress, trauma, and anxiety by guiding them to reconnect with their felt sense—their body’s natural cues and sensations.
Instead of trying to think your way out of overthinking (which, ironically, just creates more thinking), SE helps you notice what’s happening in your body when you’re anxious or caught in a people-pleasing spiral.
Why We Overthink and People-Please in the First Place
When you grow up in an environment where it feels risky to be yourself, perhaps due to high expectations, criticism, emotional neglect, or subtle disapproval, you learn to survive by scanning for danger in social situations.
You become hyper-aware of others’ moods, expressions, or needs. Your nervous system is constantly saying: “Is it safe to be me right now?”
This leads to:
- Overanalyzing conversations (“Did I upset them?”)
- Avoiding conflict at all costs
- Feeling responsible for everyone else’s comfort
- Saying yes to keep the peace, even when it hurts you
These are survival patterns, not personality flaws. Your body is doing its best to keep you safe.
How Somatic Experiencing Helps
SE gently works with these survival responses—not to get rid of them, but to complete them.
Here’s how it works in practice:
1. You learn to slow down and notice body cues
Let’s say you’re about to send a text you’re obsessing over. SE helps you pause and ask:
- What sensations do I feel right now?
- Is my chest tight? Am I clenching my jaw?
- Is this urge to people-please coming from fear?
By tuning into your body, you create space between the urge and the action.
2. You identify triggers and how your body responds
Maybe your shoulders tense up when someone seems disappointed in you. Or your stomach drops when you think someone’s mad. SE helps you track these signals, so they no longer hijack your behaviour.
3. You complete stress cycles that got stuck
Overthinking and people-pleasing are often incomplete stress responses. Your body wanted to say “no” or express emotion, but it felt unsafe. SE helps you (in a safe, guided way) complete those impulses, like moving your arms, setting a boundary, or taking a deep breath.
4. You build resilience and internal safety
Over time, SE helps your nervous system learn that it’s safe to be authentic, speak up, or just sit with discomfort without spiralling into guilt or fear.
From Overthinking to Inner Calm
Let’s say you had a conversation with a coworker and later worry you sounded “too blunt.” Normally, you’d stew about it all night.
But with SE tools, you pause. You notice your heart racing. You feel a flutter in your belly. You name it: “I feel anxious and uncertain.” You gently ask yourself: “Is there a part of me that thinks I did something wrong? What does that part need right now?”
You might breathe, move your body a little, or just sit with the feeling, without judging it. That tiny shift interrupts the mental loop. You feel more grounded. You remember: you’re allowed to take up space.
You don’t have to spend your life replaying every conversation or bending over backward to make others comfortable.
Begin Your Healing Journey Now
Somatic Experiencing offers a path out—not by changing who you are, but by helping your nervous system feel safe being you. If you’re curious, consider working with a trauma therapy expert trained in Somatic Experiencing or exploring books like “Waking the Tiger” by Peter Levine. Because the freedom you’re looking for is not in your next overanalyzed text. It’s already in your body, waiting to be felt.
Remember you’re not “too much,” you’ve just been in survival mode. And healing starts when you listen to the wisdom of your body. So, what are you waiting for? Get matched with a Somatic Experiencing trained therapist at Choice Point Psychological Services.
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